😂 Trending Reddit Jokes - October 31, 2026

He thinks to himself....wait a second...I'm the fastest man alive! I could fly down there, do what I want and leave before she even knows I was there. Off he goes, and places a dish towel over a small area where she was at risk of getting a sunburn.

One of them flaps gums and the other gums flaps.

I want them to be clean for a continental breakfast.

A high school student asks his crush to the prom and to his delight, she says “yes”. But, he realizes he may have waited too long to ask because it is the week OF the prom. It’s actually about five days away. So the man goes to purchase tickets for the event and since it’s so close to prom night, the line to get tickets is rather long. After about 30 minutes, he finally gets the tickets. Next he goes to the tuxedo rental place and of course that line is long as well. So he waits for about 40 minutes and finally is able to get his tux. After that he goes to the flower shop to get her some flowers. Wouldn’t you know it, the flower shop line is long, too. Finally after about 30 minutes, he gets the flowers. Now all he needs is a limo. So he goes to the limo rental place and sure enough the line there is suuuuper long. After about an hour and a half wait, he’s finally able to secure a limo rental with a driver. Finally the big day rolls around and after an exhaustive week of standing...

In the party where fellow chords are invited, Except one!! That is # A minor

(reposted because the first one was removed due to me not having acknowledged that I've read the rules)

[Comment ](https://imgur.com/a/MPhVEib)on a NYT recipe for a Burmese chicken curry ([original recipe link](https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1021760-coconut-chicken-curry?unlocked_article_code=1.MlE.Op30.PeQoVcnLT1J6&smid=share-url)): "A Cantonese take on Thai. Very good, very bland. So I doubled & pounded the garlic, grated a 1 1/2" piece of ginger, used 3 tbsp fish sauce, used 2 tbsp of Thai red curry paste (not the cayenne) & 1 full tsp turmeric, added the zest of 1 lime, & sauteed in coconut oil. Also used good chicken stock instead of water, reducing the amount to 1 cup. Served with chopped cilantro & lime wedges. Delicious, though NOT as written." Who were the 1487 people who found this helpful?!

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For example: I'm going to the grocery store, and I'm scared it will be closed.

Pronunciation game

Is it?

He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get $1,000.” One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.” Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor: “This is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.” The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.” The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.” Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.” ...

And the new guy says, "Jesus Christ. First day here, and I'm already married."

The shopkeeper responds: “Is it for a clock?” “I don’t know”, says the man, “that’s why I need the batteries!”

Teacher: Nakatomi tower is the highest building in the city. I want you to measure how high it is using just a barometer Next day, Teacher: well Alice how high is it? And how did you measure it? Alice: 300 m. I measured the air pressure at ground level, then went to the top, measured it again and used air pressure tables. Teacher: well done but not quite right. Bobby? Bobby: 305 m. I used sines and trigonometry to measure it. Teacher: Very close but not quite right: Charlie. Charlie: 309 m and 6 cm. Teacher: That's amazing. Exactly right. How did you measure it? Charlie: I went to the janitor and said "I will give you this shiny new barometer if you tell me how high this building is".

He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get $1,000.” One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.” Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor: “This is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.” The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.” The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.” Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.” ...

She was obsessed with an X.

After dinner, I asked my wife, "if chatting alot means you're chatty, and giggling alot means you're giggly, then what's the word for someone who is cooking alot?" Wife: "cookie?" Me: Yes please with milk

Tom Hanks would be Owen Wilson.

A lady and a gentlemen are meeting for the first time… Her: “Tell me about your parents.” Him: “I never knew my father as a child.” Her: “How come?” Him: “He’d grown up by the time I was born.”